Though like me, many are over the hill and well settled in life, yet, millions must be seeking that special person who is right for them. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to think erroneously that there’s no right person, just different shades of wrong doers. Our inexperience or experience plays a vital role in this regard.
Some are experienced on this front. When we meet someone new, down the lane of time, we get swayed by our initial emotions[infatuation] and many do not hesitate to repeatedly declare that things are going great. But once the honeymoon of this upcoming friendship/ relationship is over, we start finding the chinks and we are left wondering. Then we start replaying the chronological chain of events and look for answers to the million-dollar question(s):
• What went wrong?
• Did I spoil the relationship?
• Did other side spoil the relationship?
• Why relationship is getting sour?
• Am I dealing with a cheat?
In case you like the company of a new friend, and like to spend time together with – to explore further possibilities- but the other side is slowly losing interest or has lost interest, then relax, you are not alone.
Always remember, Life is a gamble. One has to take a calculated risk to the best of ones’ ability. Everyone passes through the corridor of uncertainty where luck factor plays its role at least 30% to find a soul mate. I hope you are nodding, otherwise then, why are relationships ending in separation.
Let us delve deep into the possible reasons as to why people suddenly lose interest and remedial measures there of, to prevent it from happening again?
Low in confidence:
One of the most common reasons people lose interest is because the person they’re dating lacks confidence. Confidence counts for a lot in every walk of life. Lack of self-confidence may not be obvious right from the start, which is why two people could go out a few times before one person has a change of heart as Cupid strikes.
When someone engage with you, love and respect your feelings, then his/ her body language and the style of talking about you on your back or with you is entirely different and appreciable” then you too give this bonding a serious look. The only rider is, you must have the trained eye to read between the lines and take proper cudgels so as to ensure that you are not delivered sugar- coated -quinine of cheating. If your calculations are correct, you will feel protected, comfortable and enjoy the bliss of life.
What can be done about it?
Boost your confidence! High self-esteem results from being comfortable in your own skin, shun nervousness and try to be normal. Ask yourself, what parts of your life do you want to work upon? If you feel apprehensive about your body, prioritize getting in shape. If you are insecure about your job, enroll in courses that will get you to your desired profession. Such remedial measures will boost your esteem. Keep in mind, there are few things you cannot change. In that case, tackle what’s manageable and accept the things not under your control.
Do not be in a tearing hurry to seek relationship:
Some people are desperately seeking a relationship. They are unhappy on their own and are in a tearing hurry to find someone to spend their life with. Dating partners who quickly pick up, a buddy, may not get satisfactory outcome. Well-rounded individuals, by contrast, are confident and as such comfortable on their own. Such type of people is skilled, knowledgeable in a lot of different things, or something that covers a lot of different areas or subjects. An example of a wellrounded person is someone who is good in school, plays sports and has a good relationship with his family and friends.
What can be done about it?
If you find yourself in this situation, talk to yourself. Do a SWOT analysis of your personality. Seek help from others in the know. Have sittings with your counselor. Make amends, wherever warranted. A positive attitude always realigns your personality and make you more confident. Kick away fear of failure.
In case you cannot work on these lines, then come to terms with the idea of remaining single for the time being. Once you feel confident and comfortable with this notion, time is opportune to start a healthy partnership. It could be difficult, at the outset, to accept this possibility but it will force you to reflect on who you want to become as an individual. Then, when the time is right, that special person will come into your life and join in chorus, “happy days are here again”.
When timing is not right:
If none of the above work for you then perhaps – may be-the partner lost interest because the timing wasn’t right. Continue to have high confidence, be happy on your own, and available for that person to enter your life.
Being inexperienced, at the start of my young adulthood, I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But while moving on the carousel of time, I was beginning to believe that a very few times-may be a few times- in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. It is not because he/she was perfect, or because you were so, but because your combined flaws were paired in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together and successfully carry the Sky Train of life on the rails of normalcy.
What can be done about it?
Stay positive. Every dog has its’ day. You will have your share of luck. Some things in life are a mystery. Have faith that if the relationship is meant to be, it will work out when the timing is right for both people. In the meantime, get busy doing things for yourself like cooking, eating right, exercising, spending time with family and friends, and be on the look to receive all the positive experiences life has in store for you.
Do not expect too much too soon:
Sometimes both people are in a place to start a relationship, but after a sparkling start, the spark slowly fades away like a soap bubble. This can happen when a relationship accelerates too fast and has nowhere to go but down. The physical attraction that draws two people together is often so intense that the partners want to spend all their time together and when they’re apart, they’re texting constantly and obsessively thinking about each other. Although this can be fun and exciting, the risk is that the relationship doesn’t last, because it is not love; it is infatuation.
What can be done about it?
Carefully, pace a relationship’s progression. Adopt tortoise, not a hare approach. Speed thrills but kills the relationship. One always need time to understand others in full as people try to hide their weaknesses, demerits or final intentions. Give the relationship more time. More time is the ultimate remedy.
In a new relationship, if things are going great, maintaining of balance is very important. Don’t ignore important people or aspects of your life when you get into a new understanding.
Also, continue to work on building the friendship within your new relationship. The most satisfying, long-lasting partnerships have a balance of passion and honesty of commitment. Kindly ensure that you and your partner have things in common, beyond the physical chemistry; and both love each other and it is not infatuation.
People have things going on that you will never understand in full. A person who doesn’t prioritize you, is not worth your time and don’t get stuck on him/her and thereby suffer from indecision. Keep an open mind, work on yourself, and do not feel low. Continue to be social and wait for your time. Always believe in yourself that best is yet to come.
A gal and her pal can be just friends, but at one point or another, they may fall for each other- maybe temporarily, may be at the wrong time, may be at the right time, may be too late, or may be forever and start singing from the same page.
Always remember, connections are made with the heart, not the tongue. If someone likes you and do not want anything from you except the honesty of commitment and purity of relationship that is the moment to lock the relationship.
As per my chequered experience, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last forever – are frequently the ones that are firmly rooted- like a banyan tree- in a reciprocal, respectful and perennial bonding. Such type of relationship need time to develop with the stipulation that both sides are fair and honest and using, not misusing the platform of dating.
If both of you, carefully plan, and execute your moves on the chessboard of time wherein King and Queen always protect each other to be safe and comfortable then both will be joint winners, and live life queen size. Always remember.
“We do not make Love, Love makes us”.
Prof. Surinder Kochhar (Shaun)
LPN, FCN, M.Com, CAIIB, DIM A freelance writer with 36 Years Exp. A Health Coach of University of Victoria