A helicopter parent constantly shadow the child, with almost zero alone time or hover over the child like a helicopter. A helicopter parent is a parent who pays extremely close attention to his child’s or children’s daily experiences and problems with educational institutions in particular. Normally, the term is applied to parents of high school or college-aged students whoaccompany their kids in tasks which the child is capable of doing alone. Some examples of a helicopter parent’s behavior include, calling a professor about grades, arranging a class schedule, managing exercise habits. Such a parent will ensure that a child has a certain teacher/ coach, selects the child’s friends and activities, or provides disproportionate assistance for homework and school projects. In short, a helicopter parent might constantly shadow the child, with almost zero alone time or hover over the child like a helicopter.This term became popular enough to become a dictionary entry in 2011.

The term “helicopter parent” was first used in Dr. HaimGinott’s 1969 book Parents & Teenagers. Other terms used for the same meaning include “lawnmower parenting”, “cosseting parent,” or “bulldoze parenting”.It is a style of parents who are over focused on their children’s activities of daily living. We can say over-controlling, overprotecting. Unknowingly, they are over involved in a child’s life in a way that is, in excess of responsible parenting.

Why do parents hover?

Everything has a reasoning or logic for its existence. Helicopter parenting develops for a number of reasons namely:

Parent Fear of dire consequences

The fear of their child getting a low grade, not making to college or not getting a certain job can appear disastrous to a parent. To take pre-hand cudgels and the need to take steps to avoid the catastrophe from happening, results in with parental over involvement. The parent does this to avoid/prevent unhappiness or failure happening in the life of the child.

Feelings of anxiety

Worries about the tight job market, and the world in general pushes parents toward taking more control over their child’s life in a bid to protect them. Being more experienced,parents take control,in the hopethat they can keep their child from ever being hurt, sad or disappointed.”

Overcompensation

Parents who felt not loved, neglected, or ignored as children try to overcompensate with their own children. By giving excessive attention and monitoring they try toremedy a deficiency these parents felt in their own upbringing.

Peer pressure from other parents

When parents watch other parents being over involved, they try to do the same with their kids as it triggers a similar response in them. Why do they do so? Maybe we consider others more wiser. Some feel that if they don’t immerse themselves in their children’s lives, they are bad parents. They feel guilty.

What are the consequences of helicopter parenting?

These hovering parents start off with good intentions. What they need is to engage with the child. Engaged parenting has many benefits for a child, such as increasing feelings of love and acceptance, building self-confidence, motivation, providing guidance and opportunities to grow. The problem is when fear takes over a parent, he/she starts guiding each step of the child. Children learn from failure and challenges. Kids learn new skills through failure and challenges.

Over-parenting results in decreased confidence and self-esteem in the child. The main problem with helicopter parenting is that it backfires. The child starts feeling that my parent doesn’t trust me to do this on my own,and this leadsto a lack of confidence.

How does the child learn to cope with loss, disappointment, or failure? Studies have found that helicopter parenting can make children feel less competent in dealing with the stresses of life on their own. In another study, it is confirmed that overparenting is associated with higher levels of anxiety and depression in children.Since the child does not face the problem head on, he/ she nearly fail to develop the necessary coping skills.

Such kids do not develop proper life skills. Why? Because a parent always ties their shoes, packs lunches, launders clothes, monitor school progress and talks to the teachers on behalf of the children. If children are mentally and physically capable of doing the task, the parent should not prevent children from carrying out these tasks by themselves. Do not control them, guide them.

How can you avoid being a helicopter parent? So how can a parent love and care for their children without inhibiting their ability to learn important life skills? Of course parenting is a very difficult job. We need to keep one eye on our child—his degree of stress, strengths, emotions–and one eye on the adult we are trying to raise.

Parents need to let the child struggle, allow him to be disappointed, and when failure occurs, help him to work through it. It means let your child do tasks that he is physically and mentally capable of doing as per their age group. Provide the child with all emotional, mental and economic support. So there is no harm to take a step back and create space for your child to solve his daily problems. This will help children build themselves into self-confident and successful individuals. That is, for which a parent is alive to experience and be at cloud nine.

 

By: Prof. Surinder
Shaun Kochhar
LPN, FCN, M.Com,
CAIIB, DIM
(A freelance writter with
36 Year Exp.)