Many expatriates, belonging to various parts of universe, are hell bent on settling in western countries, for greener pastures, so that their children can get a better education , enjoy a blissful future and secured their old age as well. In the same breath, we do not want our children to embrace western culture and life style in toto.

Emigrant parents, being affected by the demonstrative effect, are working overtime to fetch some extra dollars to fuel their bandwagon of struggle, in order to put life back on the rails of normalcy. Parents tear down the road of hard work and remain outside their abodes up to 16 hrs. a day and unwillingly neglect their children. When parents do not spend some quality time with their children in their formative years , they are preparing for unpleasant happenings in near future for which they are not ready.

With parents out for work and children left alone in the house after school hours or due to vacations/ holidays, slowly children start developing the habit of living without parents. When this process continues, children feel ignored by parents. This state of consistent, persistent happening delinks the child from parents for the time being. This creates a huge generation gap.

Social media playing a big role 21st Century kids in their pre-teens and teens, equipped with latest gadgets and being media savvy, are slowly but surely getting addicted to social media. On many occasions though a child is sitting in the living room with his parents, yet lost in the his world of chatting. Yeah So near yet So Far!

Parents need to develop in- depth bonding

Now a days there is more and more talk amongst parents to spend quality time with their kids. Some parents believe that an hour a day of quality time is sufficient and that nothing more needs to be done. I beg to differ. In my view quality time involves more than just an hour because one hour is a relatively short period of time and doesn’t allow for an in depth bonding experience. Parents need to spend good time together with kids such as going out to eat, watching TV together, or going to the movies, playing games , doing school work and in- house chores et al.

When a child is not getting to spend time with their parents, they are constantly getting mixed signals regarding right and wrong. Time spent with a babysitter may not be a quality time in the light of the fact that the baby-sitter does not have a bonding relationship with the child. Moreover what is considered right by a babysitter may be felt unacceptable to the parent. The kids may start avoiding their parents’ company. And their behavior towards parents becomes unwelcome.

Parents should try to set aside the same time every single week in order to create a routine with the family. For example, on every Friday evening, the family will have dinner together outside. On every Saturday morning the family may visit a place of worship. Every Sunday a child may spend evening with his friends. In Jewish community on every Friday evening a small function called Shabbat is held in every home. Shabbat is a day of celebration as well as prayer. It is customary to eat three festive meals: Dinner on Shabbat eve (Friday night), lunch on Shabbat day (Saturday), and a third meal (a Seudah Shlishit) in the late afternoon (Saturday). This custom promotes the deep bonding with kids in particular A Father should spend more time with his Kids.

Being over engaged in work, it may be tough for the father to carve out time for the kids. This will facilitate to understand kids abilities better. The more time a father spends with his children, the more attuned he will be to their emerging abilities. Fathers who spend little time with his children either underestimate or overestimate the developmental progress of their kids.

 

 

If you under estimate your child’s competence, you won’t provide adequate encouragement. Your child will be bored. If yo On many occasions though a child is sitting in the living room with his parents, yet lost in the his world of chatting. Yeah So near yet So Far! u over estimate your child’s skills, your unrealistic expectations will prove to be a frustrating and unpleasant experience for both of you. In either case, your child will hesitate to interact with you in the future. This is the reason why kids are getting distracted from parents. The more time you spend with your children, the more realistically you will be able to assess their capacities and the more aware you will be of their particular talents and sensibilities. You will, therefore, have the optimal opportunity to provide challenging and stimulating interactions. You will learn not only what they enjoy doing, but how they enjoy doing it. You can play a game of Snakes and ladders or chess or badminton. And, don’t forget to let your children win, at least some of the time. No one enjoys playing something at which they always lose.

Intensify Self-Esteem in your kids

Your time is precious to both you and your child. Your willingness to give your time to him sends a message of natural love and respect. If your kid respects you, that is due to your undivided attention, and your child will enduringly enjoy the feeling of importance. This will instill in the child a feeling of Self Esteem.

Instead of direct control guide them

As parents, many love to have more control on their kids to safely shape their career. Being inexperienced, kids can take impulsive decisions and ruin their careers. It pains us to see them badly hurt, rejected by their peers. Concerned parents wish they could protect them from all of that. Research shows that a father’s frequent absence from his kids, results in high rate of aggressive behavior. Parents have to do it better and do it right.

Do not treat your kids the way your parents raised you

Let us not copycat the ways our parents used to raise us. Let us not repeat the mistakes our parents made. Do not repeat the mistakes your father made. Being a better father to your children can help heal the disappointments of your own childhood. As your life becomes more gratifying, as it becomes filled with love, you will find that your longtime, gnawing resentments toward your father will recede. You won’t need to be angry any longer because your life will feel fulfilled.

Do not blame yourself for not developing a desirable relationship with your kids. See the positive side of the problem. Still it is not too late. No doubt it is your responsibility as a parent is to nurture your child, to help him reach his fullest potential. Your child also presents you with an opportunity to grow. Be a good listener and a learner. Lap that opportunity with open arms. Do not feel offended . Be open to admit your mistakes and do not hesitate to say sorry to your kids for your mistakes, if any.

The more your children stay away from you, the more they will be influenced by their peers and by their own culture. As parents, we are increasingly worried over their well-being as they slip away from our protective shield.

Though we cannot control them fully yet we can lay a foundation that will enable them to make the right choices. We can ensure that they feel loved and respected by their parents, so that they do not succumb to destructive styles of living that result in negative recognition. Parents’ relations with children should invite discussion and open guidance so that when they are suffering from indecision about their life choices , they have a welcome door to knock at and seek insurable advise.

Children, now a days, are very much conscious of their rights but they must not be deficient about their duties towards parents. That is a smart thing to do for both the parties.

 

By: Prof.
Surinder Shaun
Kochhar
LPN, FCN, M.Com,
CAIIB, DIM
(A freelance writter with
36 Year Exp.)